Wednesday, 12 November 2014

The Slut Thing

Come in closer and let me tell you a little bit of a secret; I'm not in a relationship. I know, crazy right? That in the 21st century I'm a twenty year old woman with no partner to speak of; what a fresh, new world (I'm even allowed to show my ankles in public these days, society has made some fabulous strides forward). Yet I still kiss people, I still talk to multiple people of my own sex and of different sexes, sometimes I even talk to more than one person at the same time.

Woah, woah, woah, I know it's shocking, I'll understand if you need to sit down.

So, here's the thing. I want somebody out there in this great wide universe to answer me the age old question: why does that qualify me to fall in the realms of being called a slut? Now, I'm not going to get all up on my feminist soap box about the double standards of this being acceptable for males, but speaking to a friend of mine (and I know I said I wouldn't blog about it but, really, you should have known it would end up on here some time) he imparted this bit of wisdom on me - I assume just to wind me up, as he's actually one of the most open-minded people I've ever met;

"If a key opens many locks, it's a master key. If a lock is opened by many keys? It's a sh*tty lock."

But here's the million dollar answer. I'm not a lock, I'm not waiting for someone with a key to come and unburden me, I'm unlocking some doors of my own to see what's behind them. I am a twenty year old girl, and just like a many men are exploring their options for the future, women are - and have actually for a number of years been - doing the same. This isn't some weird, new age thing; it's a natural, human thing. I've dated girls and I've dated guys, and now is one of the only times I'm going to get to explore which side of the fence my future is destined to lie with. I'm not a slut for keeping my mind open (notice I said mind here, and not legs. My communication with people of the opposite sex doesn't necessarily have to occur post-coital and blissed out, it can happen through text or Facebook messenger.) I'm not a slut for talking to more than one person at a time - god forbid I might get along royally with more than one human in the same sitting - I'm not a slut; full stop.

It is, in fact, a term I find bizarre and when I googled it's origin it doesn't surprise me at all to find that it doesn't have a known one- it is quite literally a made up word to degrade the sexual actions of women. I may not be able to tell you the origin of the word but I can tell you the use of it in this sense dates back to 1450; exactly where it should be left. Since 1450 women have been allowed to vote, they have been allowed to work, wear shorts, drink and gamble, we've even started to smash away at that pesky glass ceiling - slowly, but we're making progress nonetheless - So, why is there still a word to chastise me for what I choose to do with my own body, a word recognized by all and used frequently in every day life. I still get insulted using a word that implies that I like to have sex frequently - does nobody else find that weird? Sex is fantastic, and if I have it frequently then you should be high-fiving me if anything. The fact that I've just let slip that I'm not a virgin on such a public forum no doubt just adds further ammunition, but here's the final nail in the coffin - I can't win. If I sleep with the statistical average of 4.7 partners for UK women (Interestingly, this is lower than the world average for women which is 6.8) I would suggest that's high enough to label me a slut already, and yet if I don't sleep with any? I'm frigid. As Fiona said on twitter yesterday when I asked for opinions; "Be sexy, but don't have too much sex."

Come in closer and let me tell you a little bit of a secret; I have slept with less than half of the statistical average of partners for women in the UK, and yet I am considered a slut because my loyalty whilst not in a relationship doesn't lie with one singular person. If non-monogamous girls are to be called sluts; so be it, I will be a slut. I will not let a word rooted in the middle ages dictate the life that I lead, I will not let a single word degrade a healthy and full sex life in my future, I will not cringe away from introducing new people into my life for fear of how it looks. The man or woman that I choose to marry will understand why I am not a slut and, if you don't want me to marry you? Why are you so worried about who I'm sleeping with, talking to or dating enough to call me a slut anyway?

Slut is just a word, a single word. Similarly, so are "ignorant", "uneducated" and "jumped-up" (okay, so that's hyphenated, but I'm going to allow it.)

What's your opinion on the word slut?

Sammy xo.

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