Sunday, 23 November 2014

Things I Love #3 - Saying No

Saying no is something I've struggled my whole life to do and only now as an adult am I starting to feel more able to say no when that's what I really mean.

 I'm always, always worried that when I say no to people I come across as rude and so, as you may have seen on my twitter yesterday, this post from tumblr, hit me pretty hard;

"Imagine you're at a party. A guy offers you a drink. You say no. He says "Come on, one drink!" You say "no thanks." Later, he brings you a soda. "I know you said you didn't want a drink, but I was getting one for myself and you looked thirsty." For you to refuse at this point makes you the asshole. He's just being nice, right? Predators use the social contract and our own good hearts and fear of being rude against us. If you drink the drink, you're teaching him that it just takes a little persistence on his part to overcome your "no". If you say "Really, I appreciate it, but no thanks." and put the drink down and walk away from it, you're the one who looks rude in that moment. But the fact is, you didn't ask for the drink and you don't want the drink and you don't have to drink it just to make some guy feel validated."

This grates upon me that it's talking about men only, but the principle behind it is pretty solid. You should feel free to be rude and say no to things that don't interest you - especially when people try to push you into it. Your rudeness is something they've brought upon themselves, and the fact is there is nothing rude about the refusal to validate someone and their feelings towards you if it involves doing something that you have no interest in doing, will make you uncomfortable or that you didn't agree to in the first place. This isn't just a trick used by predators, personally my friends and family all pray on the idea that it is difficult to simply say no without coming across as ungrateful, rude or someone who just needs a little convincing. I'm working on it, but I just know that my ability to finally say no is going to be one of my best traits, in my humble opinion.

What do you think about saying no, is it rude?

Sammy xo.

If you liked this you might like: The Faked Sexual Assault Video

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