Friday, 16 January 2015

How To Fall In Love With Anybody

My friends will vouch for me on this one: I am the queen of uncomfortable questions. I don't know what it is, or why I do it - but I have a strange compulsion to ask people awkward questions. I like to know the ins and outs of people, the real things that affect people; in some ways I think it's probably to comfort myself that everybody else has deep dark corners of themselves, too. Well, it turns out that I'm onto something because according to psychologist Arthur Aron the fail safe way to fall in love with anybody? 36 questions, varying from "Do you have a secret hunch about how you'll die?" to "What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?" 

So does it work? Well, in some ways it seems yes. You can see the results of one date here and, although the pairing in question didn't end up together, it reinforces the idea that such questions would inevitably create a strange sense of false intimacy. I get this, I do - I think it's a bit heavy for a first date, but I definitely get it. I can see why it would create some sort of lust in a Romeo/Rosaline sort of way, but the chance of Romeo and Juliet meeting due to 36 questions seems improbable at best - although they will undoubtedly walk away with cute little anecdotes to share with their respective future children. 

Here's why. I remember the first time I fell really in love and, although my brain failed me academically, I have a remarkable memory for facts, so as such I remember a lot of the random facts she taught me about her life - but, that's not why I fell in love with her. I didn't fall in love with her answers, I fell in love with the way her usual grin was swapped out for something more sombre when she was telling me about serious things, the way she cast her eyes downwards when she talked about past loves, the soft grin when she talked about her little brother. I didn't fall in love with the facts, I fell in love with the fact that she offered them up to me whilst we curled around each other in bed, I fell in love with the fact that sometimes she would blurt them out like she wasn't aware she was telling me, I fell in love with the way sometimes she would smile secretly as though they were things she hadn't thought of in a while.

I could ask every single one of you to answer all 36 questions and, undoubtedly I would feel closer to you all - in the same way I feel like I know some of you without us having actually talked, due to reading your intimate confessions on your blogs - but I'm afraid to say that it probably wouldn't amount to love. Love, in my opinion, doesn't come from reading awkwardly off a pre-determined list, but rather from learning people's mannerisms and committing them to memory as they talk, being comfortable enough with somebody to ask them awkward and uncomfortable questions and, in turn, have them feel comfortable enough to offer up the answer. Sorry, guys, feel free to send me in your 36 answers, but I'm not committing to anything based on that alone.

Do you think a list of questions is enough to make you fall in love with anybody?

Sammy xo.

If you liked this you might like: The Untouchables

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