Wednesday, 26 August 2015

The First Two Months - Mental Health Update

I'm now just shy of two months since going to my doctor to ask for help once again for my depression and anxiety, so for just shy of two months I've been taking Sertraline again. These few weeks have definitely been hard - my dose was increased after two weeks and my side effects, although few and far between, have been pretty bad - I've felt achey and more exhausted than I've ever know in my life. My Doctor thinks this is likely to only be short term, but the fact is we really won't know until I keep taking them and see whether it eventually wears off or not. I promised I'd show all sides of my depression where I felt able and willing to write about it, and so I thought I'd give a little update to keep good on my promise.

First Two Months on Setraline

After a few more ups, I've had many more downs. Less melt downs, but more apathy - and I don't know honestly which I find more frustrating. Although I've been a lot more focused and able to work - I've also been a lot more forgetful and generally uncomfortable. It's undeniable that the Sertraline is helping with my anxiety; it's triggered less often, I find myself having less days that seem impossible. Having said that, my depression is still around it's lowest - I find it easier to cope with than my high anxiety, but it's still less than pleasant. I struggle to wash my hair, get out of bed, sleep at night, stay awake during the day. I had my initial telephone consultation for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) yesterday, and that's less of a step forwards than a leap - it'll take a few months to get real appointments, but they will teach me to cope better with the emotions that overwhelm me.

Having said that - I feel, for the first time in a long time, that I'm managing to take steps forwards. I still have days where my thoughts go to places I never thought I would have to learn to exist within, however I am slowly learning to pull myself back from the edge - single step by single step. Until we had a few good days last week - I don't think I realised how much my illness had really impacted on my family, my friends and Katy. Two or three days of laughing easily and leaving the house without worrying and being out without wanting to immediately return home made me realise how much I missed it - it made returning to my lowest points harder, I want happiness so badly now I've tasted it that I'm less willing to let it go. I'm stronger than my illness, and slowly but surely, I'll get there.

How have you guys been doing these last few weeks?

Sammy xo.

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