"No, I'm testing it on my hand before it goes anywhere near my vagina"
- Sammy, September 2015
Here's the thing - I'm a big fan of lubricant, I don't think it's talked about enough, I think more people should be using it just to add to an already satisfying sex life. Are you cringing yet? You shouldn't be - lubricant is actually really cool; and to prove it to you I've tried out just about as many as I could get my hands on, ranging from the expensive to the cheap, from the flavoured to the stimulating. Here's the findings (you'll like it, I promise).
LoveHoney were kind enough to send me 6 sachets*, one of each of their flavoured lubricants which retail at £5.99 per full sized bottle. We actually had one of these each in our gift bags for #NWmeet - and they were a bit of a mixed bag. Peppermint was the lube that sparked this post - simply because it doesn't taste like peppermint at all. This reminds me of milk teeth, you know that type that's sweet but minty? It definitely has a mint flavour, but sort of that background just brushed my teeth mint; not great, if I'm honest. Cherry was the second port of call - I would say this doesn't even have a hint of cherry. In my opinion, it has a subtle metal taste - this one literally made me literally gag. Chocolate Orange was even worse than cherry if I'm honest - slightly orange, if I'm being kind, but definitely not chocolate, and so bad that the sachet was tried and promptly abandoned. Passionfruit definitely redeemed it for LoveHoney, I think - although Katy hated the flavour, we both agreed that this one does taste exactly like it's supposed to and I genuinely didn't hate it - definitely the star of these sachets.
Strawberry was fine if a little child's toothpastey sort of flavour (which actually now I'm thinking about it is probably just about as far from what you want in a lubricant as you can get, isn't it? And why do they all taste like child's toothpaste?) and Enjoy was pretty much your standard lubricant. All fine, sure, but nothing that really stood out in my opinion. If you're buying a whole bottle of this stuff, and it's pretty good value if you are, I'd stay stick with the Passionfruit - definitely the closest to what it's supposed to be.
Pasante sent us the Magic Delay* gel, and also the Female Stimulating* gel which retail for £4.40 and £3.90 respectively - which is still pretty reasonable. I had no idea what to expect with these, and although Magic Delay wasn't much use to me - I decided that we'd still give it a go. First up, though - Female Stimulating Gel. I actually liked this, it was strange but not unpleasant - this goes on cold but slowly heats up which feels completely bizarre and like the body shop warming face mask, but that's not a bad thing - dependant on what you're into, I suppose. Katy found it alarming, I will tell you that.
I wasn't brave enough to put the Magic Delay gel on my genitals as that's one place that I definitely don't want to end up numb - however I did give it a good test on my hand. From what I can gather this is meant to numb, and it didn't seem to do that at all on the patch that I put it on, however it was pretty good as a lubricant so you know, swings and roundabouts, really.
This was from Katy's collection, and although I didn't have high hopes for the EXS lubricants - one of them actually worked out to be my favourite. The Peach EXS Chillout lubricant was pretty much the only lubricant that I managed to accurately decipher without looking at the bottle - and it's amazing, like the sexual version of Apricot Onken (yeah, I'm not sure why I thought that was an okay thing to write, either) but out of all of the flavoured lubricants at least, this was definitely right up there for me. The Sweet Cherry version was an old favourite of mine, but pretty much it's just straight up sweet as opposed to being cherry flavoured. Having said that, it's not unpleasant and these are like £3.99 so, worth giving a go if you're into that sort of thing.
Last but not least, pjur sent over a whole array of bits and bobs for us to try out. Not strictly a lube, but we did get a Toy Clean* (€14.95) from them; admittedly, I don't have anything to measure this against except soap and water but I really like this stuff. It's essentially water in a spray tube, but I just feel like it gives everything a much more thorough clean than plain old soap and water. Spray on, wipe off - easy as (a little expensive for what it is though, so bear that in mind!). Now, not a flavoured lubricant but by far my favourite out of the whole lot, pjur woman bodyglide* - this feels exactly like that matte, siliconey primer sort of feel; and that should be gross but is actually so much nicer than the traditional like wet feel of lubricants. This also works really well instead of a massage oil, although it does get all around the outside of the bottle and is near impossible to clean it's still worth it - for €16.95 this one isn't cheap, but it probably is the one I would splash the money out on.
The last is by far the strangest, pjur woman toy lube* - this is almost like a cream and for the life of me, I can't work out if I like this or hate it. I really rate it for doing what it says, it genuinely does stay in place whilst using toys etc. - having said that it literally is a lotion and it's thick and creamy and just overall strange. Not awful but like, probably not worth the extra €13.50 if you already have a general lube lying around.
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT - The compiled list of lubes so far. Like it? Have suggestions on ones I should try out? Want to see more posts like this? Let me know!
*Products marked by an asterisk(*) were sent by their respective companies in consideration for a review, however this has not influenced my opinion and all views expressed are completely my own. Please read my disclaimer for more information.