Thursday, 31 December 2015

A Letter To 2015 Me

Hello, it's me (you'll get that joke closer to the end of the year),

Firstly - well done. Well done for making it through the hardest year of your life and coming out of the other end. Well done for becoming the person that we are today, I'm proud of you (us?). Katy is too, and she's part of the reason that you're still here, alive and kicking - so thanks, Kate, I can't thank you enough for every 4am text, every panic attack you've rubbed my back through and every tear that you've wiped up (I also can't thank you enough for every hug, kiss, I love you, time you've made tea and every time you've made me laugh so hard that my belly hurts).

2015 was the year of change - some good, many bad. Your first change will come with your diagnosis of depression (although we should have seen that coming, really, pal), shortly followed by your meeting of the aforementioned Katy. You may have an illness nobody knows if you will fully recover from, but you also met the woman that you plan on marrying and so it's swings and roundabouts - find the strength in that situation; it'll take you a while, but you'll get there. You will apply to university and jobs, and end up turning down both this year and you know what? That's okay. It's okay to be 21 and have no clue, it's okay to feel like you're swimming in the middle of an ocean with no land because, as you'll find out via Twitter and a hundred blog comments - nearly all of us feel like that, so you can't be too far away from the next person feeling exactly the same.

2015 was the year of loss - I know that losses that happened way before this year suddenly hit you; people that should have been here with you, weren't. But that's okay, too - they would be proud of you if they were here, and some of them could have been and chose not to be, so their loss. 2015 was also the year you chose to lose relationships that were making you unhappier than you could ever have imagined; and that took strength like I never knew that we had - it was a bold move, and one that I thank my lucky stars for every day.

2015 has been a year of hope - of picking myself up and dusting myself off, of finding friends in unlikely places and opening up to my family. 2015 has been a year of recovery, of words I never thought that I'd find the strength to say, of trips away in bad hotels and a hand that fits perfectly in mine.

I am so proud of us, and I am so thankful that we are here still. 2016 is going to be better, it's my promise to you, to us, to myself.

Sammy xo.

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