Tuesday, 9 February 2016

Insecurities 2.0

When I first started my blog, I wrote a post about my insecurities and - to this day - it remains one of my most read posts. I suppose that's because it's one of the ones that's been here longest, but I suppose it's also because everyone relates in one way or another; I doubt that there's even a single person reading this that doesn't have one insecurity or another. My last post talked about getting over my insecurities and, as I wrote that post, I genuinely believed that I was getting there - the fact is though, insecurities develop as we do and new ones spring up and sometimes, as we can older, they can be harder to shake.

be brave little one quote

My weight was always a huge insecurity for me - and, as I've put more and more on over the last few years, I've struggled not to fall back into the insecurities that I'd shed along with the dress sizes those few years ago. It's true that now I feel more confident in myself - relationships help with that, make up helps with that, even the things that have nothing to do with my physical appearance have helped; getting into University, the general fact that as I've gotten older I've become more confident in the person that I am. It's true that my insecurities have lessened somewhat, but it's been a hard journey to realise that they might never go away - or especially not when my anxiety and depression are still around to fuel them in the worst ways.

I try not to say that I hate myself, I know all too well that once those words are alight they provide themselves the kindling that they need to stay burning, and that's never something that I would want - but the fact is, I come close most days and living in that way is so exhausting that getting dressed is something I can dread for hours if not days. It's so tiring - and yet, I'm determined to not let those insecurities ruin my life, just the same as I won't let myself feed the fire that makes me think I'll fail at University, or the one that tells me that I'm not good enough for Katy, or the one that tells me that I'll never make friends or do anything successful or worthwhile.

I've learned that to speak my insecurities can take the power from them, and this time around with this set of issues, I'm really trying. I'm trying to tell people, because sometimes that disbelieving stare or even the knowledge that other people disagree with the worst thoughts in my head is one of the most therapeutic things that I can find that helps hose out some of those fires even the tiniest bit. I'm learning that it's natural to have insecurities, people do and I likely always will; but it's the way that I'm learning to deal with them that's really important.

How do you find yourself coping with your insecurities?

Sammy xo.

If you liked this you might like: Insecurities

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