Tuesday, 1 March 2016

Self Doubt

When I was a kid, I always grew up thinking that I'd be something huge. First it was a ballet dancer, then a singer, then I followed the typical teenage dream of just being famous - irregardless of how, why or when. As I've gotten older, I suppose that this is really something that's never left me - this idea that everything will somehow work itself out, that I'll do something or be something and every step that seems so muddled right now will eventually fall into place and fix itself and work out in my favour. As I get older though, I worry that actually; what if I don't make it? What if it never falls into place? Looking around though, I'm not the only one with this burning sense of impending doom with regards to our futures - so how do we begin to tackle it?

I'm not joking when I say at least once a week I have some sort of minor meltdown with regards to my future; what if I can't hack university? What if I can't handle a 9-5 job with my anxiety? What if, despite spending the last 22 years of my life absolutely slogging my guts out, I still end up unhappy in a desk job that I don't want to be in. What started as self doubt has quickly become an entire fear - the fear of striking out, of being less than I want to be and, despite my anxiety, less than I truly know that I can be with talent and just enough of a dose of luck. I know that A Cinderella Story taught us nothing if not, "Don't let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game" but the fact is? That's a lot harder to stomach and believe in without Chad Michael Murray on your side.

I know that self doubt is a fact of life - it's something that we all face; but how do we get through it? How do people make it out of the other side and into self assurance without ever falling flat on their face? Does positivity really breed positivity, or do some people just have it in them when they're born? This ability to succeed, to never doubt their abilities and to go the whole way - you always see it on documentaries about self made millionaires that they always showed a flair - so does that mean that theres no hope for the rest of us? Those of us that played with barbie dolls instead of making money from lemonade stands? (Hell, we don't even have lemonade stands in England).

Honestly - I don't have a set of rules for how to get past this and truthfully, I'm not sure that anybody at all does at this point. I think it's a mixture of hard work and luck, of both what you know and who you know - it's comforting and yet alarming that we're all in this together. This isn't a post asking what to do, or offering a solution - it's a post to get this self doubt off of my chest; it's therapeutic to see it logically written out in front of me. This is a post for myself, but also it's for all of us - we're not alone in this; and one way or another, I'm pretty sure (if unconvinced as to how) that all of us will get through this and make something of ourselves - but if anyone has any tips, I'll gratefully accept them.

What self doubts do you have?

Sammy xo.

If you liked this you might like: Insecurities 2.0

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