Friday, 10 June 2016

I've Lost My Blogging Edge - But That's Okay

I know that when I started this blog - I had an edge. That edge, for better or for worse, was one of a girl who wouldn't back down - opinions on everything and a willing openness to talk about even the worst parts of my life. I guess it was those long, bitterly honest posts about my mental health that got me to where I am now - I was unapologetic, blunt and it was no coincidence that these posts were the ones that did better than any others. So when I ended up in recovery, there was a tiny part of me that wondered what I was without my depression and anxiety - in terms of life, but also in terms of blogging. Without this edge, as unpleasant as it was, could I still continue to keep up the reputation that I'd built?

I am thankful for recovery every single day - I wouldn't swap it for any amount of followers, for anything at all. But, I felt lost. I had lived my life like this, documented my blog like this and suddenly everything was different - and it was confusing, and it led me to wonder; where do I go from here? Cue days sitting in front of my laptop wondering what more there was to say, whether it was time to sign off from my mental health posts and leave them behind for good - but after a few weeks though, I realised that it's okay that I've lost my blogging edge.

There is more to life than my blogging edge, and worrying about it was (well...) fickle. I managed to live, to come back from all odds - and so what if I lost my niche in the process; because now I have a whole new one. I am The Girl Who Lived, and I'm not sad and lost anymore, but that doesn't mean that I'm irrelevant - I am a warrior, and I will continue to teach people that they can be too. In the same way that those who could relate and had come through it gave hope to me, I will continue to write about my progress, my life and my achievements in the hope that I will be that glimmer of light for somebody else in the same way that people were for me.

Recovery isn't a straight line - I will delve back into the posts that got me here again, and I will delve into this new idea of a life that I never truly believed that I would have the chance to experience. I will see where life takes me and I will document it along the way - and maybe these posts won't be brutally honest about my mental health, but they'll be brutally honest in a million other different ways. My illness wasn't all there was to me, and it won't be now it's gone. I am good at a million other things, my voice is as strong as it ever was, it's just strong in a different way; that doesn't mean that I'm any less proud of it.

So there it is - I lost my blogging edge, but that's okay - there's more to me than my depression and anxiety, and I will thrive and blossom more than I could ever have imagined now that I'm in recovery.

Sammy xo.

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