Sunday, 17 July 2016

100 Days Clean (TW; Self Harm)

(TW: Self Harm)

100 days is a long time. It's nearly half of a pregnancy, over a third of a year, 2400 hours, 144,000 minutes, more seconds than I'll ever be bothered to write down. As of today, it's also the amount of days that I've been clean of self harm. 100 days is nothing compared to the last 11 years - and yet it's everything. It's a promise of recovery and I've never been this close before, never been clean this long since my early teenage years. 100 days is no time at all, but in this case - it's long enough to make me confident that I can build a future on it's foundations.

Kicking self harm has meant more than just getting clean - it's meant learning to speak about my feelings, it's meant crying uncontrollably over the smallest things, kicking and yelling and throwing tantrums when it's all I want to do and I know that I can't. It's also meant being a better friend, being less selfish, having better skin because my body isn't try to heal a million other things. It's meant learning to cope properly emotionally, it's meant learning, a lot - in a small amount of time.

This isn't a full post, just a marker. A marker because I made it 100 days, and I want to look back on this and remember congratulating myself for getting this far, it's a marker because I want to know when I've made it 200 days, and 300 days, until it gets so much easier that I don't need to count any more. This isn't a full post, just a pat on the back.

Happy 100 days clean.

Sammy xo.

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