Monday, 22 August 2016

Faking Orgasms.

I've been there. I've been sweaty, hot, not at all into the sex that I'm having and screaming my lungs out in order to make it end quicker. We all know if there's one thing guaranteed to end sex - it's an orgasm, and so by default many of us also know that to get out of bad sex, all you have to do is fake it. As much as I don't like to admit it, it's easy; screwing my face up, making the right noises, clenching some muscles. I've faked orgasms to end bad sex probably more times than I've not faked orgasms due to good sex - but it seems that I'm not the only one, and it's becoming a worrying pattern.

I am disgusted to say this out loud - but I know from experience that my faking of an orgasm is much, much more successful at ending sex than the word "no" is. I've learned safe words will never mean as much to some people as boosting their ego, and in fact a study taken recently shows that although women were invited to talk about faking orgasms in consensual sex, many of these women simply did not use the words "rape" or "coercion" despite the fact that is what their experiences suggest.

So I took to twitter to get opinions; and it was interesting. As women, we mark our orgasm as a finishing point - and it seems that many of us know that instead of asking to stop, it's much easier to make someone feel like they've succeeded. We don't want to offend, it's taking too long, we're tired - nearly every person I asked had a slightly different variant, and yet it all lead back to the same place; nearly everyone I had asked had faked an orgasm in order to get sex to end sooner.

As much as we talk about faking orgasms in the sense of bruising men's egos - it's so clear that it goes deeper than this. We don't feel comfortable to say no, but we know that orgasms will end the sex; we're not into it, we're too tired - it doesn't matter the reason, it just matters that we get out without bruising any egos. Why do we feel the need to boost the egos of people who can't sexually satisfy us? The women that I asked seemed to think this was a commonly done thing - and the more I ask, the more it seems that that's true. Whereas men seem to think it's a right to orgasm through sex, women know their pleasure is just a means to an end; and that's a dangerous position to be in. We're faking them with men, women, all manner of people in order to feel in control of the sex that we're having.

Interestingly, in the matter of fairness - I also reached out to some of the males in my phonebook; none of which had faked an orgasm, and all of which believe that they'd be able to tell if a girl was faking an orgasm (from personal experience, at least two of them were incorrect on that latter point). Also interestingly; it seems that as women, we're starting to take it back - a lot of women are starting to realise that if people can't pleasure us, this isn't something we should be faking in order to make them feel better. Gone are the days of pleasuring yourself whilst someone goes outside to smoke post bad sex, isn't it time we learned to tell people that, actually, they just aren't that good in bed?

I'd love to hear your opinions, and feel free to share any orgasm faking stories because whether yours adds to my point or goes against it, they're still interesting to read!

Sammy xo.


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