Confidence has ben something that I've always struggled with. I strongly believe that, actually, it's something that everybody struggles with at some point or another, and to be honest I used to think that it was something that you couldn't overcome. I mean technically, I think that I was probably right; confidence is something that you tend to be born with/out, but don't write yourself off ig uoi lack confidence, because I've decided to fake it until I make it and touch wood, but it seems to be working.
Confidence isn't all about making friends with strangers, sometimes it also means being sure of yourself. I've slowly but surely been working on celebrating all of my achievements - no matter how small, I've learned to appreciate things about myself (my eyeliner could kill a person at first paces). The fact is, celebrating yourself doesn''t come easily to a lot of people - but I started out faking my confidence and, truthfully? Now I think I might not be completely faking it at all.
I've come to think that I should treat myself in the same way that I treat my cousins, who are younger than me and whom I would protect with all of my might. Instead of treating myself in such a hostile way, as though I'm somehow an enemy that needs tearing down, I learned to treat myself in the same way that I would treat the people that I love. I am not a member of an opposing team, I am my own best friend, and it's time I started treating myself better.
The thing is that, realistically, if recovery has instilled anything in me - it's that I'm worthy of happiness and pride in exactly the same way that I'm worthy of health - and I've found that the more faith that I have in myself - the more faith that other people have in me. The more confidently I act, and the better that I treat myself, the better people around me treat me (or so I've found, maybe it's just that I've been taking less shit).
The fact is, I chose confidence. Admittedly, perhaps it's only a false sense of confidence, but it's feeling more and more real each day. I am intelligent, worthy, loyal and a million other things; and one day I'll be able to add confident to that list.