Tuesday, 11 October 2016

Happy.

I know - shocking as it is, this title isn't even clickbait. I'm here to talk about something I haven't talked properly about in what seems like forever and a day - happiness. It's been a long few weeks and I know that I've had more than my fair share of meltdowns on twitter, but I feel as though all of a sudden, I've hit my stride and I've managed to find happiness, properly - and I feel like I've found another bit of recovery that I didn't even know existed enough for me to want it, but here we are.


Life has been a blur the last few weeks, of Criminology and English Lit, of blogging and vlogging and trips away and sneaking onto closed beaches late at night and of drunkenly videoing and eating cheesy chips after midnight. It's been a blur of making new friends, rapidly building up confidence that I didn't even realise that I had and laughing (so, so much laughing). I just feel as though I've finally managed to find the person that I really am, the person that I want to be and am proud of being and it's refreshing - it's like starting a new chapter of my life but the story has been renewed. Nothing that came before matters anymore, nothing that hurt me is coming with me, none of my self harm habits are coming with me, I'm taking my medication, getting enough sleep, taking care of myself.

In any case -  I'm just happy, and people are noticing. My friends are commenting on my confidence, I find myself smiling more, laughing more, talking more, debating more and taking more selfies. I find myself excited about life, excited to adventure, excited for the future and the possibility of everything it could hold. I'm learning to live in a way that makes me want to get up most days, I'm learning, in the traditional sense, I'm expanding my knowledge and looking at careers and I'm just getting there - I'm finally getting there. I'm learning that some things are better the second time around, and some things will always be amazing.

And honestly, it seemed impossible this time last year - I was so sad and felt like I was incapable and unworthy of love. Now, I see it differently - I am so worthy, and I am so loveable, so intelligent, so strong, so modest (that was a joke, guys, don't post this on twitter to slag me off). I have changed, developed and grown into a person that I love, a person that I'm proud to put out into the world and it's changed everything, it really has. I feel like I'm not just existing anymore, I'm standing on the cusp of the rest of my life and I'm going to make it, and I'm going to be amazing.

So that's what's happening in life lately - I'm just fucking happy.

Sammy xo.

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