Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Belonging

Feeling like I belong is something that I think I've always struggled with; not so much in school and in friendships but more as in the last few years I've never really known where to call home. With Katy, I lived in Chester in what was her house, and although I didn't really belong there I felt as though I never really belonged at my Mum and Dad's either, same when I was between houses with my ex boyfriend, and now that I'm back with Katy I'm living in her house that still feels very much like hers, but I don't feel like Mum and Dad's is really my home either anymore.


It's not a reflection on anybody else, or the places that I'm living, or even on myself - it's a reflection of what I need, that I need the comfort and stability of being in a place that's for me, a place that I call mine. Katy has done everything she can to make this room my home, and in many ways it is - but I don't think I'll settle until I'm in a place that I can really put my stamp on, a place that seems ours and is at least semi-permanent, a place to really start our future in.

Belonging is really tough - because there's no real way that you can force yourself to belong; you can feel comfortable, and happy, and safe and still feel as though this space that you're living in really isn't actually your space. I am so grateful to Katy's parents for letting me live here, I love playing with the dog, curling up in front of their fire, I love helping to put the shopping away - I literally love it here, but the place just doesn't really feel like my house, I'm just not sure that I really fit here.

There's no real point to this post, except to ask if anyone has any tips, and to help myself get it out and move forward.

Sammy xo.

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