Monday, 14 November 2016

Sex And The Less Than Straight Girl

I'm pretty confident when it comes to sex, I have a positive attitude - I've been learning and growing sexually since I was 16, and 6 years later I know what I like and I know what I want in my sex life. Having said that - since exploring my sexuality and deciding that I best identify currently as a lesbian, I'm finding myself at a little disconnect. You may remember that in the past I talked about Sex and Self Harm, and being in a loving relationship has definitely helped with that being an issue - I feel as though I can talk to my girlfriend about any issues that I'm feeling and I no longer feel the need to use sex as a coping mechanism and a punishment; however, having said that, I'm still coming to terms with having a normal sex life since both coming clean about my self harm and since identifying as lesbian.

I've found that sex has become a huge part of my life, but I've learned to be intimate all of a sudden.  I don't want to just be having sex, I want all of the bits that come afterwards, curling into my girlfriend's chest, laughing until my sides ache, feeling loved and content as safe. Sex has always held a really huge part of me, a huge part of my life - and so to have it hold a positive one feels like a revelation, like something I've never felt before. For the first time, I'm really enjoying sex, enjoying exploring things a little more, enjoying feeling safe and intimate.

Now I'm not saying that sex when I identified as straight was awful by any means - but I've come to realise that for me personally, sex with my own gender (as opposed to sex with other genders) feels closer to what I need, closer to what I personally would like from a sexual relationship. More than anything I'm really happy that in the long run, I've found myself and the best sexual practise for me personally - but I'm also mad that it took this long, mad about the time I wasted.

This is a word dump post but I want to say - recovering from sex as self harm has been one of the hardest things I've ever done and now I'm just really happy with the place that I'm at both emotionally and sexually.

Sammy xo


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