Now let's be fair - I didn't come up with this title, Katy did. But, irregardless - today we are talking about masturbation in relationships - because for some reasons, amongst my friends this seems to be a thing that just doesn't happen. Masturbation, whether you're single or not, is a huge part of a healthy sex life - and, in my relationship, it's a huge part of our combined sex life. Masturbation isn't about displaying your pleasure for other people, but rather finding your own pleasure and, in a relationship, it can be a lot about teaching your partner how to pleasure you.
I think it's important to firstly clarify that there's nothing selfish or disrespectful about enjoying masturbation on your own whilst you're in a relationship - it's a time I use to really focus on myself, my likes and my pleasure; it helps me calm down, it helps me sleep and I'd be lying if I say that I don't masturbate at times when Katy isn't here. It's a natural part of who I am, and not everything about my want to orgasm is about wanting to have sex with another person, sometimes it's about wanting to love myself, and spend some time enjoying my own body.
Having said that - masturbation, both solo and mutual, is a huge part of my relationship. It's healthy, and it helps me to work out what someone else does to pleasure themselves so I can learn better and use it to pleasure them when I'm having sex with them. Additionally, logistically, in a lesbian relationship this is just really helpful - I can only move my fingers in a certain way, and sometimes it helps to have my partner using her hands on any spots I'm missing, and similarly sometimes I want to bridge the gap when I know she just can't reach that spot that I'd like stimulated on top of what she is doing.
I've read so many articles about masturbation being disrespectful to the other partner, about it showing a lack of desire - and that's not true at all. I know full well that Katy masturbating shows no disrespect to me, it's nothing to do with a lack of desire for me - because masturbation is nothing to do with me unless I personally am doing it. Someone else's choice to get themselves off is a personal one, it's a choice about them and celebrating themselves, their body, and their sexuality, and it's nobody else's place to be annoyed about that, or to feel unloved because of it.
So let's embrace masturbation, let's touch ourselves and know that it's about us and nobody else. Let's embrace it as a huge, helpful part of our relationships, and know that it's healthy and most people do it.