I know I post sporadically about mental health, but I feel as though it's been a while since I've done a big update, which is actually something that I used to do every few weeks. I think that as I've gotten better, it's been easier to skip these posts because I feel as though as I'm recovering, I have much less right to speak about my mental health - and I know that's the wrong way to think. I know that mental health is a stigma that we need to step over, and every voice contributes - and I know looking after my mental health doesn't end with the control of my mental illnesses, but I also feel as though my recovery somewhat invalidates my feelings, opinions and stance on the whole situation. Nevertheless, I'm getting over this - because it's important that we keep talking about this, and so I'm going to keep talking through recovery and beyond.
I am still clean of self harm - and we're fast approaching a year of being clean; a huge milestone that I didn't think I'd hit anytime soon. I still struggle every few weeks with urges, but it's getting further between each instance, and they're getting much easier to push off each time I do it - this is, arguably, one of my biggest steps forward in the whole of my recovery, and definitely the one that I'm most proud of. My second most proud of is definitely the fact that I seem to be sleeping a lot more - still sporadically, and still often via naps during the day, but I'm definitely getting towards a normal sleep routine; slowly but surely!
I'm still taking 40mg of Fluoxetine, and this is something that I hope to change soon - although I don't really need the medication to keep my depression in check anymore, it does help daily with my anxiety, and I'm very conscious of the withdrawal symptoms I'll face, and so I'm very reluctant to start this, but I know that this will be a huge step in my recovery when I come to it. I have had to consider the fact that coming off anti-depressants doesn't mean that I will be off medication altogether, and I'm still potentially going to have to look for anti-anxiety medication, but this is something that I'm coming to terms with.
I'm generally coming to terms with things a lot better - I'm coming round to the fact that I might not be off anti-depressants for my entire life, that this recovery stage of my life might not be permanent, though I will likely reach it again in the future. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my mental illness truly is something that is likely to touch my life, but in the words of my therapist; it will never be as hard to drag myself out of it as it was the first time, and I did that.
In general - life is good. Update me on how things are going for you guys!