I'll be honest with you guys, I'm overwhelmed. It feels strange to sit here and type in this box, I feel as though it's been months since I've done this, not weeks - as I'm doing it, my mind is half here, and half somewhere totally different, thinking about the task that I have to do next. It's been a long time since my brain has been fully occupied, since it's had more than one job to do, since it's had to think, process, develop ideas, keep in a certain head frame. It's been a while since I've done a job outside of my blog, outside of events, writing for companies and trying out makeup.
Some of you may know that for the last year or so, I've really struggled with money. I'm not talking about the idea that I've not been able to go out with my mates because I'm on my last tenner a week before payday, I'm talking about the fact that I got turned down for credit cards, I was in so much debt that my debit cards were blocked, I was out of money, out of luck and I couldn't get a job for shit. For the last year, I have been in a constant cycle of sleepless nights, trying to work out how I'm paying to get to uni the next day, and never being able to buy anything that I like because I simply don't have the money; whether the item was £1 or £900.
I've had to buy myself out of some seriously big overdraft charges this year, I've had to take £1400 out of an overdraft; and I'm only now starting to get into the swing of my job trying to pay this off and pay for the life that we want to have; I'm freelancing, working on overtime, working all the time - still trying to keep up with university, a social life. I'm nearly at the point where I've paid off my debts and I'm learning to save better, budget better, work harder, and more, for the things that I want, that I want for Katy and I. I'm overwhelmed, and I'm trying - but I still haven't managed to find that balance between work, play, and the ability to afford life.
I've neglected Little Fickle - and though it's not the end of the world - it certainly seems like a physical manifestation of what I've let slip in my life in the last few weeks. I love Little Fickle, I built it up from the ground to where it is now; which is at least the height of a curb. I've let my relationships slip, I've not slept enough - I've been overwhelmed trying to dig myself out of a hole that I've been in for over a year now, but I'm getting there. I think. I'm trying.
So that's where I've been - bear with me, if any of your care that I've been away, and I'm trying my best to get back into a routine.