Life lately has gotten a little bit, for want of a better word, tangled. I have so much to do, and so little time to fit it all in, that I feel like all the previously neat threads of my life are a completely mess; and getting more and more knotted by the day. I have to balance work, university, a social life, my blog, events and freelance work - and I'm just not as good at juggling as I was when I could exist on four hours of sleep a night. Well, I'm either not as good at juggling as I used to be, or juggling isn't as effective when you're older and need more sleep to function on a day to day basis.
And I guess that it sort of makes me feel like a failure - because everyone around me seems to have stopped juggling. Everyone has found their place, everyone has fallen into the right place in their life, and I guess that I just feel a little bit less than; like at 23 I should have my shit together or at least some idea about where my shit is going to go when I eventually do manage to get it together. I know that the saying goes that 'nothing ruins your twenties like thinking that you should have your shit together by now' - but when it seems like everyone except you does, it kind of does fuck you up.
Gone are the days of being top in school, gone are the days of being a grade four ballet dancer, gone are the days of constantly acing a waitressing job and being able to afford whatever I wanted every month - now I'm an adult, and I've not got any skills, I'm not the top of my age group and all I'm doing is wandering aimlessly, crying at Netflix shows and wondering what the hell I'm going to do with my life. Finding a place is something that I want to do so badly, but the harder I push for it, the further it seems to get away from me.
So not all that wander are lost - but I really am. I don't know what comes next, or what road at the crossroads I'm meant to take; and I know I'm a flake on here, but that's because I don't really know myself any more. The girl that I used to write the life of so confidently? She isn't the same girl that I am now, and sometimes that's a good thing, but sometimes I feel as though I wish my life was as straightforward as she thought hers would be.
I'm still trying to find my place, but it's hard - any tips appreciated.