Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Adjusting

I don't know about you, but for me it seems that a lot of adult life is about adjusting. It's about learning to bend around the people in your life, allowing yourself to adjust in order for them to be able to maneuver themselves around you. It's adjusting the time you had for yourself, your expectations, the parameters of the money that you can spend on money, the late nights and late mornings that you used to love so much. It's a lot of seeing how far you can bend without breaking, and it's exhausting and satisfying, exhilarating and sob-worthy (that's a real word, in case you were thinking otherwise).


If there's one thing I've noticed since I've been learning to adjust, crying about everything, and generally stressing about every single tiny thing in the last few days (seriously though, the dog barking for her tea was the thing that set me off the other day) is that no matter how isolating and frustrating learning to fit into your adult life can be - we are all in this together. We are all confused, all trying to find our footing, all worried about what the future holds and shouting into a void asking each other a question that none of us really seem to be able to answer right now; will it ever really get better?

In some ways going back to uni was purely a selfish reason, it was getting three teenage, selfish, thoughtless years back that I never got. But, it's backfired a bit; because I have to work full time hours, keep up with learning two languages and still find time to spend with Katy that isn't me glued to a laptop working, as well as making time to see my family who live a considerable distance from where I do when I don't drive. Instead of getting my teenage years back, I've simply complicated my adult ones - I'm stressed, overworked, constantly tired and trying my fucking hardest.

So I'm here to say; I have no idea when it gets better, or if it does, but I'm holding out the hope that one day future Sam is going to look back at past Sam and tell me thank you for all the work and sacrifices that I'm putting in. I'm hoping she'll look back on 8am starts and midnight finishes as something that made us strong, versatile, and most of all - able to function on way less sleep than the average human typically does. I'm hoping that this is just the adjustment period for adult life, and one day everything will just snap into place.

Here's hoping we're all pushing through to bigger things, and in the mean time? Let's be a little kinder to each other whilst we're adjusting.

Sammy xo.

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