Tuesday, 29 October 2019

Life Burnout

I know that one of the most common themes I see of memes for people my age are the ongoing jokes about how impossible it is to find a work/life balance and honestly, I relate. I constantly want to pick more hours up in work so me and Josh have more money behind us, especially now we're looking at moving out and taking holidays together, and I constantly want to blog more, I want to make sure I see all of my friends and keep up with fun things (because FOMO, am I right?) but the truth is, there just aren't enough hours in the day. I know, as Instagram keeps telling me, I have exactly the same amount of hours in the day as Beyonce, but honestly, I think she's got a Bernard's watch of some kind because she doesn't seem to end every night lying in bed with the sheer panic of what needed doing today that hasn't been done flashing through her brain (or she might, but she hides it better, in which case? I feel you, Bey.)

Being an adult is no joke. I should be getting 8 hours of sleep, but also I should be working a decent amount of hours to make sure I can live, I should be doing what I love but at some point? Something's got to give. I definitely don't regret starting Little Fickle back up, it's always been my passion, it's something I love doing and I really, really want to put the effort in it deserves - but in doing so? I've definitely realised just how little time I realistically have spare when trying to keep all of my plates spinning. When I'm working and working on my blog? I'm definitely putting my all in and when I get a chance I have a whole plethora of things to do when I finish my shift or blog work; try and fit a nap in, remember to eat food and find the time to do so, see my boyfriend and my friends. But equally, when I'm not working and I have time for that break and a nap? I find myself filled with the sheer anxiety of what else I could, and should, be doing with that time. It's a constant cycle of working, blogging and slipping into my days off feeling exhausted and guilty.

I know I said something's got to give, but what can? I obviously need and want to work, I want to put my all into Little Fickle like I am, I want to spend time with Josh where I'm not glued to a laptop making sure I keep on top of my emails, I want to see my friends, but every piece of my life really does feel like the piece of a jigsaw puzzle from a completely different box than all of the others. I feel like there's such a push and pull with every single little thing that in pulling one thing to give it my all, I'm pushing something else away, just to swap it back the next day. And the sad thing is? I know most of my friends feel like this too, we're a whole generation of people too guilty to use our free time in the ways that we want. I'm giving as much to my work and my blog as I can, but I can't help but feel there's definitely other things being neglected as a result.

This is massively just a brain dump of how I'm feeling right now in the hopes that somebody out there might feel similarly and I'll feel a little less alone, or that someone somewhere might have cracked some universal equation and can provide me with the solution for what to do, but as it is now (and proving my point) it's nearly 1am writing this and I really, really need to sleep to give my best to the things I have to do tomorrow - maybe between the hordes of washing, hoovering and everything else I have to do after I finish work, I might find time for that nap.

Definitely share with me if you have some tips for making the most of what seems like so little time, and how you keep on top of everything!

Sammy xo.

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